What’s the thing you are most afraid someone you love, care about, respect will find out about you?
What’s the worst thing someone you love, care about, respect could call you?
“You are a ______.”
Most of us could make a list of negative words we’d never want to be called!
The shadow, as psychologist Carl Jung calls it, is the person you would rather not be. The parts of us we reject or have been rejected by others. The aspects of ourselves that we fear, that bring us shame, that close us off, that make us feel imperfect and unlovable.
When I was growing up and even into my 20’s, I was terrified of being seen as selfish or a bitch, and even worse, a SELFISH BITCH!
“I people pleased like it was my full time gig, in hopes I could out run the fear, in hopes people would see me as “the good girl.””
I people pleased like it was my full time gig, in hopes I could out run the fear, in hopes people would see me as “the good girl.”
But here’s the thing about fear...
You can’t out run it.
You can’t hide from it.
You can’t deny, reject or suppress it.
“Fears not faced OWN you.”
Fears not faced OWN you.
Owning and embracing our shadow allows us to reclaim our power; and to truly step into our greatest version of ourselves.
““I’d rather be whole than perfect.” - Carl Jung”
As Jung stated, “I’d rather be whole than perfect.”
I knew the only way out was through.
If I wanted to be truly free and truly joyful, I was going to need to get busy embracing these shadow aspects of myself.
Happiness and freedom were awaiting me on the other side.
Step 1. Get honest about your shadow aspects.
Step 2. Befriend the shadow. Invite it for tea. In other words, see how this aspect has served you or could serve you.
Step 3. Make peace with your disowned aspects. Acknowledge “I am that!”
Step 4. See the value of each of these previously disowned parts of your personality. Give them a seat on the bus. This is the integration aspect of this powerful healing process.
So back to my fears, SELFISH and BITCH.
What came of these two valuable personas, you ask?
I gave Bitch a seat in the back of the bus with the cool kids and trouble makers.
If there’s a problem.
If someone violates my trust.
If there’s a need for me to protect or defend myself, Bitch will raise her hand.
She will get her say, but she doesn’t speak for me. I leave that to the one that can show up in a kind, yet firm manner.
I live by the mantra - Take no shit. Do no harm.
And I know no matter where I go, what I am faced with, whatever life throws at me, that I got a Bitch in my corner that has my back!
What’s more, she knows she’s heard and valued even though her license to drive my bus has been revoked.
As for Selfish, I keep her a little closer to the driver, she helps me navigate in moments where boundaries could be an issue. She reminds me that I must put my own needs first, so when I show up for others I do so authentically, from a place of graciousness and wanting to be of service.
“Embracing Selfish made me a more giving, compassionate, kinder person.”
Embracing Selfish made me a more giving, compassionate, kinder person. She has taught me healthy boundaries - what it means to honor my boundaries; and yours.
Now over to you...
What aspect of your personality have you made wrong about yourself that could in fact be your greatest gift?